I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
