I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
