There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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