you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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