Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
