I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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