If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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