Porn is love you can see.
She said her name was "party"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
