Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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