oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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