worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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