Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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