Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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