I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
