he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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