his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
