Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
