I feel great
I just peed on a car
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
