omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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