and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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