Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
