just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
