Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
