I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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