i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
