my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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