Soap is not a condiment
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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