I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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