Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
