i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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