The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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