Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
