She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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