Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
