Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
