I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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