My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im holly from the hills drunk
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
