Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
dude. I can hear the air.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
