she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
