remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
