I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
