6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
