Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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