I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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