Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
