We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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