low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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