Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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