I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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