You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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