I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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