i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
