I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
