sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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