I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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