Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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