The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
