I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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