just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
