I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
