I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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