he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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