I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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