So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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