12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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