grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we're making bets on your personal life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
