If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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