there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize