I accidentally burped into my bong.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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