when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
