A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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