I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
