literally had 100 drinks last night.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
