at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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