He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
