It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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